Archive for the ‘Long Term Relationship’ Category

I wonder how many people’s perfect mate is right now under their very noses, hidden by the word “friend”? You know, that special guy that you turn to every time some “hunky dreamboat” or another has broken your hear,(again) and left you a whimpering, downtrodden mess. But, we get all caught up in the image of what our dream mate looks like and we forget the truly important thing: what our dream mate makes us feel like. If the good lucking guy makes you feel bad, is he really a dream?

Growing up, we all had our teen idols that we had our first crushes and girly lust moments over, but growing up means realizing that sometimes what is on the outside does not hold a candle to what is on the inside. Unfortunately, for some of us, that lesson is a hard learned one, and so we are bound to get our foolish hearts broken a time or two while searching for Mr. Hotstuff so that we can turn him into our dream mate. Got a little secret for you girls: it is not going to happen. Looking for a mate by looks alone is not going to get you nothing but a good looking creep. Now, there are those that get the guys that are not only handsome, but charming, funny and sweet too. Is that you? Lucky thing, I hate your guts!

You really have to know what it is that you want out of life before you know who your dream mate might even be. You have to know your goals, your temperament and for most of all, you have to know yourself before  you throw another person into the mix. If you know that you want to be a world traveler for instance, you better not tie your dream wagon to a guy that gets car sick backing out of the driveway. Either the guy has to change or the dream, so you have decide what you will and will not give in on.

Everyone has one or two must haves and can’t stands, know what yours are before you even start looking.

For me, a sense of humor is just as important as having air to breath. I need to laugh, preferably every day. I could not live with a seriously uptight, no nonsense kind of man that thought laughing was frivolous. Right there I have ruled out one whole category of men. It used to be that I was sure it would be a big, tall, Russian hockey player that won my heart, ( okay, so I really did fine tune my fantasy man, sue me.) but my thoughts on that have changed dramatically. For one thing, there are not a whole lot of hockey players, Russian or otherwise, in my general area. I could either a)move or b) change the dream. As luck would have it, the dream changed itself for me when I met a fellow hockey fan who is not a tall, Russian hockey player. He is an insurance agent for Pete sake! I would not take ten hockey players for him now; my dream mate has totally changed.

Be flexible. Ease up on yourself. Know that there is a huge difference between fantasy and a dream mate. A fantasy is the one that will never happen, and you can change it daily. The dream mate? Well, that one is changeable too, until you meet the one that truly is your dream mate. I hope you find him soon.

Ah perfection, that nearly unattainable goal! What exactly is the “perfect mate,” and how on earth do you find him? First things first, you must realize that your idea of a perfect mate is far different from your sister’s or your best friend’s. They will look for the smallest character flaw and pounce like jaguars on a wounded wildebeest. Hey, don’t look at me! I did not make the rules on this one, it’s just what happens! Your friends and family want you to be happy so they will weed out the weak ones to make that happen.

You have to know what you want and what you need from your relationship. Then you can decide what defines the word perfect for  your. For instance my definition always includes the words: smart, funny, adventurous and kind. You might notice that my perfect mate is not defined in physical terms. My tastes in that have changed over the years, but the really important qualities have never wavered at all. Call me crazy, but I will take a smart and funny insurance agent over a handsome, vapid barely employed actor any day of the week. My definition of perfect does not work for my best friend, nor does hers work for me.

One of the easiest ways to know if someone is your perfect mate is to actually spend time with them. Go on a cruise and see how well you relate to each other when you are stuck at sea without a chance of escape. Make sure that you  have interests both mutual and individual. You do not want to wake up one morning and find that you have absolutely nothing in common with the person that you declared was your perfect mate. On the other hand, you will want to have interests outside the relationship as well. No one is so perfect that you want to spend every single moment with them after all. Give yourself a chance to miss that person every now and then to keep things fresh between you.

Most importantly: do not pretend to be someone that you are not to “get” this perfect mate. They deserve their perfect mate as well, and if you are pretending to be someone other than who you are, how will they know if you perfect or not? Donít pretend to be a sports fan to snare that athlete that you have had your eye on and expect to make a lasting relationship with him. For one thing, if you are really not into sports, you have just kicked things off with a big lie. Not only will that make him question everything else about the relationship, it will make him rethink his own priorities. Do you really envision a life of faking enthusiasm when sports does nothing more than bore and bewilder you? Or are you planning on sitting sporting events for the rest of your lives together, content to go out and do your own thing? That might be an awful lot of time spent apart, is that really what you want for the rest of your life?

Your perfect mate can be the last person on earth you would have dreamed of. It could be the living version of your fantasy. Either way, it has to be the person that is perfect for you and you alone. Make sure that it is the perfect mate for the real you, and not someone who is attracted by a manufactured image that you cannot maintain for a lifetime.